My 3rd year of recovery was like something out of a Rocky Movie. I had gone from a 64kg half-dead zombie, who could barely walk, to someone weighing 84kgs of muscle capable of squatting 180kgs, benching over a 100, and doing full day hikes in the mountains.

I was able to recover from many of the withdrawal symptoms and other adverse effects of the drugs within 6 months of stopping but other symptoms lasted for up to a year with a few lasting for several years (See article 2.5 of Addiction Report Four, article 3.1 of Addiction Report Three, article 28 & 29 of Statement Two, article F of Statement Three).

After my initial recovery, I embarked on the next stage of rehabilitation with simple short walks along the beach gradually increasing the distance over time. I later joined a local gym but they were very reluctant to let me in at first because I was still walking like a drunk and I sometimes had to support myself by holding onto things.

Over the months and years that followed, I was able to increase the short walks to long runs with a back pack through bush and mountains, and after a couple of years in Auckland, I returned to the same gym above and surprised everyone by squatting 10 reps at 180kgs.

Yet, recovery was never a simple process. It was a long road with many ups and downs.

At first, I could do very little as I was barely able to walk. Even simple tasks such as vacuuming the floor were very challenging. My brain was all foggy and I had very limited concentration. It took many months of effort to make even small amounts of progress.

To quote from Statement Three:

“I would like to point out that my recovery was not a simple case of all my symptoms improving steadily together with time. Yes, the symptoms did improve over time but I found that they fluctuated in intensity and came and went depending on certain points in time. I also noticed that as the months went by, the periods of time when I felt better were getting longer.”

“For example, when I first stopped the drugs I felt terrible all the time, but a few months later, I would maybe feel better for a few hours in the morning, then later down the track I started to have whole days of feeling better, but once again, these were sporadic and I often had relapses for many months and it took at least a year to get over the worst of it.”

In the end, my recovery took years of effort and help from NZ doctors, specialists, Alcohol & Drug Services, physiotherapists, acupuncturist, herbalist and various health related people and services, along with support from family and friends. Such extensive measures may not have been necessary, but I felt a strong need to be 100% proactive in my own recovery effort.

Despite all the efforts, I beg to question whether there is such thing as a true “recovery” though. The reality is once the damage is done, it’s done. The damage these drugs cause to the lives of individuals, families and greater society is immeasurable and often irreversible because we cannot reverse time, and there can also be long-term and even permanent health effects as well. I believe the best we can do is to make the most of “what is” and go forward…

Below is a copy of a progress chart taken from Statement Three:

One notable point was that my condition continued to improve even whilst being exposed to the most intense stress imaginable during court proceedings which was highlighted in article 3.1.9 of Addiction Report Three.

This fact puts paid to the defense’s claim that my condition was simply caused by anxiety/stress alone and that I was prone to such.

The reason being is that someone who is simply suffering from stress and prone to it wouldn’t be improving under increasingly stressful circumstances. It simply does not stand to reason.

However, this fact was not included in the High Court Verdict (See Justice or Not?).

Many people have asked me what I did for my recovery.

After directing them to this page of my website, I had to point out that recovery, much like withdrawal, is different for everyone and that it is important to find what works best for us as individuals.

For me exercise played a massive part, as did being proactive in my own recovery.

I am also a strong believer in regularity; that is regular, diet, regular exercise, and regular sleep. As you know, our bodies have a natural rhythm that works in tandem with nature, the days, nights, moons, tides, menstrual cycles etc – it all has a natural rhythm and benzos destroy that rhythm.

So, I believe getting regularity and “Balance” back into your life can go a long way towards helping your body reset itself back to some degree of normality.

I think yoga, Tai Chi, etc. can be very beneficial. During the early stages, I know that almost anything can seem like a daunting challenge, so I think it is good to set little mini goals day by day.

One last important thing I learnt was “Don’t focus on what you can’t do – focus on what you can do”.

Hope this helps…